Kneading machine

There was a young woman who got married. Her parents decided to gift her a dough-making machine.

However, her in-laws would have none of it, and promptly returned the machine to her parents.

"We don't believe in taking any dough-ry," said her father-in-law huffily.

"Yes," added her mother-in-law. "We have no knead for these things."

Election time

Thanks to the Supreme Court, 'note' in elections will be replaced by NOTA.

World famous martial artist

There was this young man somewhere in China, who decided to become a martial arts specialist, and learned a lot of kung fu. He started from the basics and proceeded onward. Now, learning martial arts means you get knocked here and there and usually go limping home after every lesson.

Eventually, he learned enough that he felt confident of going out and performing in public, even trying for roles in cinema.

Unfortunately, they said they could not pronounce his Chinese name correctly, and he would have to take a name the rest of the world could speak without mangling it.

He thought back to his old student days and suggested a name based on his state in those days.

And that is how we all got to see kung fu movies starring Bruised Lee.

Snooty musicians

There was this big band of musicians. It was very big. They had two lead guitarists, one piano player, one bass guitarist, three violinists, one flautist, two drummers, two keyboardists, a cello player,  three lead singers, a 20-member chorus, four electrical engineers, a sound engineer, three light specialists, a laser specialist, a caterer, a band manager, all the way down to a guy whose job was to keep tuning the various instruments and dusting them daily.

Now, one day, this band went to Mumbai by train, because it's difficult to carry large instruments in the plane. When they got off at the station, there was a whole convoy of vehicles waiting for them: three tempos and a truck for their instruments, 14 Maruti 800 taxis and one new gold coloured SUV, all neatly polished and shiny.

But only the juniormost guy, the one who did the tuning, got into the SUV. All the band members and most of the senior staff got into the taxis after that, stuffing themselves in somehow or the other.

The travel agent was most upset and asked them why they were so snooty.

They protested in one voice that they were nothing of the sort.

Then why was that one poor guy isolated on his own?

They patiently explained to the travel agent, who they were now convinced was quite an illiterate guy, that they did not enter the SUV because it was written on the vehicle: FOR TUNER. Duh.

जग

एक नटखट लड़की रसोई में बर्तन ढूँढते हुए तंग आ गई और उसने अपनी माँ को आवाज़ दी - "मम्मी! जग कहाँ है? मैं तो उसे जग-जग ढूँढ चुकी हूँ."

मम्मी भी कुछ कम नहीं - "पहले जग तो जा, बेटी, तभी तो मिलेगा!"


Thanks to AD and VR for letting me include their joke here. :)

Ah-chhooo!

What do you say when a grammarian with a bad cold sneezes?




Gerund-heit

The Spectacle of Corruption

Why do people with thicker glasses ask for bigger bribes?


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Because ...

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... Power corrupts.