See you with

She: Wake up and see my pretty dress.
He (sleepy): Hand me my specs.
She: Ooh! You want to see me in my pretty dress with your specs?
He: I'd rather see you with Bill Gates or George Bush, but this is all I have.

Another overheard one.

Rakhee behen

There was this rich guy with grown up kids.

One fine rakhi, he decided to make his neighbour his राखी बहन.

Now, the guy is supposed to give his sister a gift, so he gave her a house and half the जायदाद.

His kids were obviously very unhappy. They zoom down to their neighbour and express their frustration by way of song, हिन्दी फिलम इश्टाइल:

"खुदा जाने मैं खफा हूँ!खुदा जाने -- मैं मिट गया!खुदा जाने मैं खफा हूँ!की बन गयी हो तुम मेरी बुआ...."

This is the best thing that came out of watching that truly horrible movie, except the one below, which is a modification of one that one of my fellow punsters came out with:
What happens when a gaggle of dieting teenagers eats only light food?पचना ऐ हसीनों

Gautam Buddha and chocolate syrup

Son to mother: Uhhhh, Mom, can one get sick from eating too much chocolate syrup?
Mother: What? How much did you eat?
Son: Uhhh, too much, I think.
Mother (philosophically): Moderation in all things, son. Remember, Gautam Buddha also said the same thing so many centuries ago.
Son: Yes, but that was Gautam Buddha.
Mother (losing it): What are you? Glutton बुद्धू?

Overheard; such is real life.

Lyrics inspired by Rock On

Since Aditya was such a 'Great Poet', I feel no shame in following in his footsteps. Here is my contribution to immortal Bollywood lyrics:

यह पानी इतना गीला क्यों?
सांप इतना ज़हरीला क्यों?
यह popcorn सीला सीला क्यों?

ऐसे ख़याल हमे आते क्यों?
बे-तुके गाने गाते क्यों?
दूसरों को सताते क्यों?

Movie में इतने ad क्यों?
यह lyrics इतने bad क्यों?
हम सब इतने sad क्यों?

A friend (MS) and I composed these lyrics on the spot in the first 5 minutes of the interval. How tough can it be to be a genius, anyway?

MCD aur Traffic Jam ki love story

MCD और Traffic Jam को love हो गया.
But, of course, this was a big secret.

One day, Traffic Jam reads in the paper that MCD 's माई-बाप (Delhi सरकार--you know) has declared that with the new flyovers being set up, there will be no more traffic jams.

Traffic Jam is very upset. Goes running and jumping to MCD and demands to know यह क्या हो रहा है?

MCD even more upset. मेरे सच्चे प्यार पे शक किया जा रहा है??

MCD ने कसम खाई, गाना गा के:
"तेरे बिन जी मेरा लागे कहीं ना।
तेरे बिन दिल मेरा लागे कहीं ना।
चार दिनों में,
सज्जा क्या खब्बा,*
लम्बी खुदाई... लम्बी खुदाई."

*Translation: These are Panjabi words: सज्जा means right, खब्बा means left.
MCD is the Municipal Corporation of Delhi.

Request for privacy

A request to people who read this blog and say, "Heyyy, I know this person!"

Please do not shoot off my suspected identity to all and sundry. You could be wrong, you know; I might not be Big B after all. Even if you factor in a really good grammar checker.

And, anyway, I deny it all, already. SODDI*.

You can, of course, shoot off your suspicions about the identities of people whom I blog about, to whom you please. Big B included.
OK, Small B, too.

OK, Medium-sized B and Big C, too.

Bhajji, also.

Maaaan, some people are never satisfied.


* 'some other dude did it'. It's a legal term. No, I do not want to know what you thought it meant.

My most famous joke, and comebacks

Bhajji ने Symonds को अपने मन की बात सुना दी।
और Symonds ने monkey बात सुन ली.

This is an old, old one (Jan 08), but went viral very fast, and reached the radio in less than a week (yeah, I did not get any royalties).

Thing is, I went around telling everybody I know this joke.
One of my friends, whose last name is Kaur, got very offended. "Are you making fun of my community??"
I was stunned speechless. Hesitantly, I asked, "I didn't know you were Australian...?"

(Snicker, snicker, snicker). I did warn you...

Articles of Association and Dedication

Sounds grand, doesn't it?

So, here's the Mission and Vision Statement, just to up the grandness meter:

...

there, I sprained myself already.

What this blog is about:
This blog is a 'safe' outlet for the jokes and puns and awful metaphors I come up with, so that my friends and relatives can be happy that others in the wide world, too, have the opportunity to groan, cry, and have yet others restrain them, in turn, from strangling me. (Because now, others will want to do this, too -- obvious, yaar). You could say that I finally moved my bone lazy self to a computer to blog On Popular Demand.

So, here's the Dedication:
This blog is deadicated to all those who are dead of listening to my jokes, and all those whom I outran (thank you guys, for stopping to cry on the way, I don't run all that fast), and to those who have been telling me for the past month to get on with the blog (no, I don't believe those visions of multi-millionaire-hood, how stupid do you think I am? [don't answer that]). You know who you are. And you have nobody to blame but yourself.

Muwahahaha!

Articles of Dissociation aka What Are You In For:
I come up with about one new joke a week. ("Thank goodness," shout my friends and relatives, grateful it is no more than that.)

I'll start off with some old originals. If I can't think of something original in any week, or if I run across a truly super pun, I might post a joke I love. (Of course, I will mark these out; what do you think I am?) (Of course you will cry as hard).

You need to know English and Hindi to get the full flavour of these jokes. I will translate from other languages, if used.

So... Have Fun!