There was this dedicated computer engineer, who used to sit and work really late. He'd got into the habit of catching the last bus home. Often, he used to almost miss it, and had to run really fast to the bus stop to catch it.
Now, one fine day, the timings for the last bus were changed.
Our man, being a dedicated engineer, forgot about this change. So, one night, he ran out as usual to the bus stop. When he reached there--no bus.
"Rats!" he muttered. "I've lost connectivity to the bus because of a run-time error."
The next day, he came to work in running shoes instead of his usual sandals.
"After all," he mused, "re-booting is known to fix run-time errors."
Credits: Thanks to DS for suggesting the fix!
Friday, April 30, 2010
Monday, March 22, 2010
My first poll
So, I ran this poll recently:
What do you think of the jokes on this blog?
Now, if only there was more than one response....
Sorry, people, the book is unlikely to be released any time soon.
But enjoy the horrible one-liners below.
What do you think of the jokes on this blog?
- Fantastic! I laughed my head off. When is the book coming out?
- Really good. I tell them to my friends and pretend they are mine
- Good enough. I plan to bookmark this blog if I remember where I found it the next time I remember it
- Pretty sad jokes. I tell them to my friends, after all, why should I suffer alone?
- Really bad. I tell them to my enemies so that they die on the spot.
Now, if only there was more than one response....
Sorry, people, the book is unlikely to be released any time soon.
But enjoy the horrible one-liners below.
Formal vs. informal dressing
Formal vs. informal dressing: some are pro-tie, and some are just untie.
Google Engineer's brainchild
How does a Google Engineer introduce his/her new brainchild to the world?
"Hi, this is my beta!"
"Hi, this is my beta!"
More Six Sigma One-liners
More six-sigma one-liners for the statistically inclined...
When unsure about what to do with the data, use simpler data.
When unsure about what to do with the data, use a giant flowchart.
When unsure about what to do with the data, test it to destruction.
When unsure about what to do with the data, formulate a good hypothesis.
Have plan B ready: formulate an alternate hypothesis, too.
If you are too confident (an alpha person), prepare for errors.
Less than 95% is underconfident.
Hal Varian quote - If you torture the data long enough, it will reveal whatever you want it to show.
Quote from my friend Suri: When unsure about data, get more data till every one is as unsure of it as you are!
Q: If Z is 1.96, what's the risk?
A: Arre beta, it's alpha.
Examples and causes -- ex and why variables.
Why are some variables called 'x' variables?
They are called 'x's' because there is an excess of them....
Equality is a null hypothesis.
Hmm, so is the alternative one-up-manship?
Fault Tree: The sacrificial plant deep in the forest, that takes all the blame.
TIM WOOD knows all about it...
Lean six-sigma: Will soon be 4.5 sigma due to prolonged dieting.
Lean six-sigma (sing to the right tune): what you want, where you want, when you want and how you want it...
Takt time: diplomatically finish things in due time.
When unsure about what to do with the data, use simpler data.
When unsure about what to do with the data, use a giant flowchart.
When unsure about what to do with the data, test it to destruction.
When unsure about what to do with the data, formulate a good hypothesis.
Have plan B ready: formulate an alternate hypothesis, too.
If you are too confident (an alpha person), prepare for errors.
Less than 95% is underconfident.
Hal Varian quote - If you torture the data long enough, it will reveal whatever you want it to show.
Quote from my friend Suri: When unsure about data, get more data till every one is as unsure of it as you are!
Q: If Z is 1.96, what's the risk?
A: Arre beta, it's alpha.
Examples and causes -- ex and why variables.
Why are some variables called 'x' variables?
They are called 'x's' because there is an excess of them....
Equality is a null hypothesis.
Hmm, so is the alternative one-up-manship?
Fault Tree: The sacrificial plant deep in the forest, that takes all the blame.
TIM WOOD knows all about it...
Lean six-sigma: Will soon be 4.5 sigma due to prolonged dieting.
Lean six-sigma (sing to the right tune): what you want, where you want, when you want and how you want it...
Takt time: diplomatically finish things in due time.
Late for meetings
What do you say if someone calls to say they will be late for a meeting?
See you later.
See you later.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Waking up kids
Mother: Wake up, son.
Son: Mmm.
Mother: Are you awake, son?
Son: Mm-mm.
Mother, in sing-song voice: If you're awake, son, show me some open eyes.
Son (eyes tightly shut), muttering: There's a mirror on the wall there...
Son: Mmm.
Mother: Are you awake, son?
Son: Mm-mm.
Mother, in sing-song voice: If you're awake, son, show me some open eyes.
Son (eyes tightly shut), muttering: There's a mirror on the wall there...
Some six-sigma one-liners
These ones are for the statistically or six-sigma inclined people out there.*
Statistics: The art of taking decisions in the face of uncertainty.
In the ongoing battle between Variable data and Attribute data, Variable data is still winning. Yes or no?
Degrees of freedom: They can have any color they want, so long as it is black -- Henry Ford on colors of the Model-T
Normal distributions are all alike; every non-normal distribution is non-normal in its own way. -- Anna Karenina version of distribution functions
Examples and causes -- ex and why variables.
Elitism in causation: some causes are special, some are merely common.
* If you're inclined at 6-sigma, there is only 3.4 chances in a million that you will not be straightened out some time.
Statistics: The art of taking decisions in the face of uncertainty.
In the ongoing battle between Variable data and Attribute data, Variable data is still winning. Yes or no?
Degrees of freedom: They can have any color they want, so long as it is black -- Henry Ford on colors of the Model-T
Normal distributions are all alike; every non-normal distribution is non-normal in its own way. -- Anna Karenina version of distribution functions
Examples and causes -- ex and why variables.
Elitism in causation: some causes are special, some are merely common.
* If you're inclined at 6-sigma, there is only 3.4 chances in a million that you will not be straightened out some time.
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