Monday, December 21, 2009

मेरे पैसे ... !

"हाय! हाय! मेरे पैसे डूब गए!"

"कहाँ डाले थे?"

"विदेश में।"

"अरे, कौन से देश में?"

"दुबई।"

"ले, यह तो नाम से ही सावधान होना चाहिए था!"

"???"

"और क्या--वहां नकद डूबाई जाती है..."

Weeping investor

"Oh, oh, oh! I lost all my money!"

"Where did you put it?"

"In a foreign country with high growth."

"Which one?"

"Dubai."

"Ha! You should have known from the name."

"From the name??"

"Ya, you know, paisa doobaye..."

Sunday, December 13, 2009

पापा की छत्र छाया में

तरु की शादी करुण से हुई। कुछ सालों बाद उनका एक बेटा हुआ, जिसका नाम उन्होंने सूरज रखा।

क्योंकि वह बहुत गोरा था, धूप में उसे बहुत जलन होती थी। इसलिए, जब भी धूप निकलती, सूरज पापा की छाया में खड़ा हो जाता।

नहीं समझे क्यों?

आसान! गाना याद कीजिये:
"सूरज के जलते हुए तन को मिल जाए तरुवर की छाया!"

A day at the mobile anti-beggary court

While the High Court considers whether beggary is in fact criminal behaviour, two mobile courts in Delhi continue to try vagrants and beggars in an attempt to show a more prosperous face in time for the Commonwealth Games.

At one of these courts, the police produced a donkey who was found wandering without a fixed destination.

"Clearly, a vagrant and beggar! Jail him!"

Next, two goats were produced in court, accused of tinkling their neck bells and trying to look cute.

"Guilty! Jail for them!"

Three cats who were playing musical instruments at traffic lights were next up, and the police were getting more confident.

"Beggars! Off to jail!"

Finally, in the last case of the day, 6 chickens were produced, along with witnesses who had heard them asking for money from passers-by. The police were ready to pack up for the day with a clean sweep.

"Not guilty! Release them."

Pandemonium. The public prosecutor rushed up, wringing her hands. "But why?"

"Beggars can't be चूजा s!"

Saturday, October 10, 2009

When managers cannot delegate

"I wonder what do managers do when they cannot delegate work."

"Oh, it is simple. If they cannot Delhi Gate, they can Kashmiri Gate."

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Vegetarian shark

What does a vegetarian shark eat?

Lady's fingers!

-----

My friend, AS, read this, and gave a different answer:

What does a vegetarian shark eat?

Sharkahari food!

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Love आज कल का गाना

Love आज कल में जब 'ये दूरियां' वाला गाना शुरू होता है, तो मीरा (दीपिका) अपने मुंह को क्रीम से क्यों पोंछने लगती है?

उसने सोचा की वे गा रहे हैं: 'ये झुर्रियां'

Love aaj kal song

Q: In the movie, when the song 'ये दूरियां' starts, why does Meera (played by Deepika) start wiping her face with cream in front of the mirror?

A: She thought they are singing 'ये झुर्रियां'

Why you should avoid 2-minute noodles

Q: Why should you avoid 2-minute noodles?
A: Because they Maggify your hunger.

Hide and Seek biscuits

Q: In which city are Hide and Seek (chocolate chip) biscuits most popular?

A: Simple!
In the twin cities of Hyderabad and Seekunderabad.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

After Marriage

"You know, after marriage, you should always gain some weight."

"??? Why on earth?"

"So that your spouse gets more than they expected..."

The Patriotic Boy's Hunger - Part 2

And what does the patriotic, modern, city boy say to his mother when she gives him two buns?


...


...?


...


Simple: "One दे, मातरम!"

The Patriotic Boy's Hunger - Part 1

What does the patriotic, modern, Kolkata city boy say to his mother when he feels hungry?


...


...?


...


"Bun दे, मातरम!"

शादी के बाद

"शादी के बाद, बच्चों, हमेशा वज़न बढाना चाहिए."

"मगर, मम्मी, क्यों?"

"बेटा, इससे पति-पत्नी को उम्मीद से ज़्यादा मिलता है..."

देशभक्त की भूख - Part 2

और अगर उस आधुनिक, शहरी, देशभक्त लड़के की माँ उसे दो bun देती है, तब वह क्या कहता है?

...


...?


...


"One दे, मातरम!"

देशभक्त की भूख - part 1

अगर एक आधुनिक, शहरी, देशभक्त लड़के को भूख लगती है, तो वह अपनी माँ से क्या कहता है?

...


...?


...


"Bun दे, मातरम!"

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Why do wolves lope?

Once upon a time, wolves used to do many things. They ran, they sprinted, they chased, they raced, they hunted, and one or two who had limb problems, used to also lope.

Then, as is usual in society, fashions changed. Sometimes sprinting was popular, while some years, chasing was the in thing. Then, one year, long ago, the Great Division took place. That year, the latest fad was loping. This was quite difficult to do well, and so it only became popular in one small segment of younger, less mature wolves.

The wolf-watchers predicted this would never catch on.

But slowly, the group that loped gained not just popularity, but cult status. Old fashioned wolves deplored loping, but the group gained new adherents every time a cub became a wolf.

The two parts of the pack started having bitter disagreements. The divisions became more and more intense, until finally, there was a Split, and two parties were formed.

One, which gained great popularity, was the Pro-Lope Pack, and the members were the Pro-Lopes.

The other party initially had more members, indeed, every mature and sensible wolf started out as a member, but pretty soon, within days, they had to completely close down.

After all, which wolf wants to be called an Anti-Lope?

Snooty tourists

What did the supercilious tourists say when they reached Srinagar?

"Oh, what a Dull Lake."

That's the correct pronunciation, actually, not 'डाल Lake'.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Monday, February 9, 2009

At the duck pond

Mama Hen was busy scolding her chicks for jumping in the duck pond: "It's dangerous and wet. You are not ducklings--you cannot swim. Neither can I--how would I get you out?"

And the clincher: "Don't be so bold. Remember, we're supposed to be chicken."

Common ailments part 3: Ulcers

"How are you coping with your ulcers? Is it hard?"

"You bet. I don't think I can stomach this any more..."

Common ailments part 2: Sore throat

दुखी: "ओह्ह! मेरा गला बहुत दर्द कर रहा है।"

सहायक, पूर्ण सेवा की भावना में: "दबा दूँ?"

Common ailments part 1: Suffering from spondylitis

"I heard you've got spondylitis. Is it bad?"

"Yes, it's a real pain in the neck."

At the canteen counter

If people come and deposit uneaten food back at the canteen counter, what is going on?


Think.


Think more.


Give up?


It's obvious:


The canteen is getting feed back.

Global warming

It is the year 2100, when global warming is fully established. The Arctic, Greenland and Antarctic ice caps have melted completely, and still the heat is increasing...

Then the oceans start evaporating and the coastlines recede. Only land where once the seawater lapped the shores...

The people in the erstwhile coastal cities wait for rain...

They wait for the rain...

They wait and wait for their old friend rain...

They want rain to come quickly...

Because...?

Because...

Long time, no sea.

Friday, January 16, 2009

Next movie in the Sarkar series

So, you've seen the movies Sarkar and Sarkar Raj, and you are looking forward to the next one?

Lucky you! We have a special sneak preview for you!

The next movie in the series is called
Cheekoo Sarkar.
Because (you guessed it)
चीकू is the next सरकार.
The movie has a very tense political issue as its background.
There is a border issue between Maharashtra and Karnataka, with orchard owners in both states girding up for price wars (and other wars).
चीकू develops as the big नेता in this issue, which is an amazing surprise (the actor can't act for nuts), and the more so as he is on the Bengaluru side of the border (amazing twist in the story! audience will love it!)


So, here's the question for you: how come he can become a big
नेता without his grandfather's support--and remember, his grandpa lives and dies for Maharashtra?


Obvious.
In Kannada, a
चीकू is a सपोटा, and obviously, श्री चीकू has lots and lots of sapotas.


Yesss! I outdid myself this time. A tri-lingual pun, yet!

People on diets

Another imponderable question:

If someone on a diet binges on heavy desserts,
are they just getting desserts
or are they getting their just desserts?

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Party hard

It's the time of year to party hard.
Partying hard is, ahem, not easy.
It's difficult.
You keep yourself awake, eating a little food very late, and surrounded by music loud enough to cause instant deafness--restricting your conversation to 'What?' and 'What??'--and this is all not easy.

Hence, 'party hard'.

Happy New Year!