In Kannada, 'madi' means 'do'.
So what were they thinking when they gave the job of completing the CWG preparations to someone named Kal-madi?
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Kalmadi at the CWG
Britain's Princess Diana may have died in a car crash in 1997, but New Delhi Commonwealth Games supremo Suresh Kalmadi thanked her for being at the opening ceremony on Tuesday - TOI
We need Dope testing for the organisers...
We need Dope testing for the organisers...
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Dusk - A Play in Three Acts
[Act 1, Scene 1: The corridors of a school. Enter, scene left, Bellcurve Swoon, the delicately calculating boyfriend hunter, not nearly as Normal as she pretends.]
Bellcurve (punching at a calculator): And adding in the day temperature, he should be entering the corridor... NOW!
[Enter scene right, Headbutt Sullen, a grumpy teen, slumping along looking at his feet. Bellcurve moves to position herself in his path. They collide. Headbutt falls.]
Bellcurve (in a high, giggly voice): Oh, Headbutt! This is the first time a boy has fallen for me. [Bats eyelids]
Headbutt (glazed eyes): One - nil for the home team.
Bellcurve: Huh?
[Enter scene right, lots of kids running past, shrieking. The corridor clears, leaving only J. Cobb, the pudgy son of a corn merchant]
J. Cobb (sing-song): Headbutt loves Bellcurve. Headbutt loves Bellcurve.
[Exit scene left, J. Cobb pursued by a yelling Headbutt. Bellcurve faints artistically.]
[Curtain]
[Act 2, Scene 1: The outskirts of a forest. Stage lightning. Enter scene left, J. Cobb, still chanting "Headbutt loves Bellcurve", chased by Headbutt.]
J. Cobb (halting and holding up a hand): Ok, stop! Enough! You're still my buddy, even if this is a vampire love-story.
Headbutt (scratching his head): So, who won? Brazil or Argentina?
J. Cobb: I think it was Switzerland.
Headbutt: NOOOOO! [whips off T-shirt and stamps on it]
[Enter scene right, Bellcurve. Stage lightning]
Bellcurve: It was a dark and stormy night when I ventured into the forest, in the footsteps of my true love.
[Bellcurve sees Headbutts without T-shirt, swoons again]
J. Cobb: Headbutt! She hates Football!
Headbutt (horrified): NOOOOO! [Exit Headbutt].
J. Cobb (rubbing hands, first his, then Bellcurve's): Bellcurve! He loves Football!
Bellcurve (leaps up hissing): Who is she?? I will suck her blood. [Exit Bellcurve]
J. Cobb: MUWAHAHAHA!
[Curtain]
[Act 3, Scene 1. Football stadium, stands full of fans. At centre, J. Cobb and Headbutt, in opposing jerseys, with an empty seat in between. The air is tense. Suddenly all leap up and yell, "GOOOOOAAAAAL"]
J. Cobb: Headbutt! Your team just went down Four - Nil!
Headbutt: Oh! [slumps]
[Sudden whistles off stage. Everybody looks left. Whooshing sound. A girl in black lipstick zooms across the stage. Everybody turns to follow her in slow motion. Yell of "GOOOAAAAAAL". The same thing happens thrice more.]
J. Cobb (horrified): NOOOOO!
Headbutt (slowly): My team drew! [counts fingers] Four - four!
J. Cobb: NOOOOO!
[Enter, stage left, Bellcurve. She sits in the empty seat.]
J. Cobb: It's the girl!
Headbutt: What girl? I love football.
[Bellcurve looks furious. She knocks down Headbutt and bites his neck. Headbutt collapses with open eyes. Bellcurve turns to J. Cobb]
Bellcurve: Hmph. Not much boyfriend material.
J. Cobb (counting points on fingers): Boy. Friendly.
Bellcurve: OK. [Suddenly suspicious] And what about this Football?
J. Cobb: Never! Never! Only you!
[Exit scene left, J. Cobb and Bellcurve, hand in hand. We see J. Cobb with fingers crossed. Suddenly, another cry of "GOOOAAAAAAL"]
J. Cobb: What? No! NOOOOOO!
[Curtain]
I wrote this one for a short-short story contest at the height of the World Cup frenzy, and don't know why I haven't put it here earlier. It's probably the world's shortest 3-act play.
Bellcurve (punching at a calculator): And adding in the day temperature, he should be entering the corridor... NOW!
[Enter scene right, Headbutt Sullen, a grumpy teen, slumping along looking at his feet. Bellcurve moves to position herself in his path. They collide. Headbutt falls.]
Bellcurve (in a high, giggly voice): Oh, Headbutt! This is the first time a boy has fallen for me. [Bats eyelids]
Headbutt (glazed eyes): One - nil for the home team.
Bellcurve: Huh?
[Enter scene right, lots of kids running past, shrieking. The corridor clears, leaving only J. Cobb, the pudgy son of a corn merchant]
J. Cobb (sing-song): Headbutt loves Bellcurve. Headbutt loves Bellcurve.
[Exit scene left, J. Cobb pursued by a yelling Headbutt. Bellcurve faints artistically.]
[Curtain]
[Act 2, Scene 1: The outskirts of a forest. Stage lightning. Enter scene left, J. Cobb, still chanting "Headbutt loves Bellcurve", chased by Headbutt.]
J. Cobb (halting and holding up a hand): Ok, stop! Enough! You're still my buddy, even if this is a vampire love-story.
Headbutt (scratching his head): So, who won? Brazil or Argentina?
J. Cobb: I think it was Switzerland.
Headbutt: NOOOOO! [whips off T-shirt and stamps on it]
[Enter scene right, Bellcurve. Stage lightning]
Bellcurve: It was a dark and stormy night when I ventured into the forest, in the footsteps of my true love.
[Bellcurve sees Headbutts without T-shirt, swoons again]
J. Cobb: Headbutt! She hates Football!
Headbutt (horrified): NOOOOO! [Exit Headbutt].
J. Cobb (rubbing hands, first his, then Bellcurve's): Bellcurve! He loves Football!
Bellcurve (leaps up hissing): Who is she?? I will suck her blood. [Exit Bellcurve]
J. Cobb: MUWAHAHAHA!
[Curtain]
[Act 3, Scene 1. Football stadium, stands full of fans. At centre, J. Cobb and Headbutt, in opposing jerseys, with an empty seat in between. The air is tense. Suddenly all leap up and yell, "GOOOOOAAAAAL"]
J. Cobb: Headbutt! Your team just went down Four - Nil!
Headbutt: Oh! [slumps]
[Sudden whistles off stage. Everybody looks left. Whooshing sound. A girl in black lipstick zooms across the stage. Everybody turns to follow her in slow motion. Yell of "GOOOAAAAAAL". The same thing happens thrice more.]
J. Cobb (horrified): NOOOOO!
Headbutt (slowly): My team drew! [counts fingers] Four - four!
J. Cobb: NOOOOO!
[Enter, stage left, Bellcurve. She sits in the empty seat.]
J. Cobb: It's the girl!
Headbutt: What girl? I love football.
[Bellcurve looks furious. She knocks down Headbutt and bites his neck. Headbutt collapses with open eyes. Bellcurve turns to J. Cobb]
Bellcurve: Hmph. Not much boyfriend material.
J. Cobb (counting points on fingers): Boy. Friendly.
Bellcurve: OK. [Suddenly suspicious] And what about this Football?
J. Cobb: Never! Never! Only you!
[Exit scene left, J. Cobb and Bellcurve, hand in hand. We see J. Cobb with fingers crossed. Suddenly, another cry of "GOOOAAAAAAL"]
J. Cobb: What? No! NOOOOOO!
[Curtain]
I wrote this one for a short-short story contest at the height of the World Cup frenzy, and don't know why I haven't put it here earlier. It's probably the world's shortest 3-act play.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Yours and mine
Once, a couple went on an India tour. With them were their children, and both the children's grandmothers. Taking her mother was the husband's idea, and the wife had suggested taking his mother.
On the way, his mother found the strange cities uncomfortable, and became quite cranky. The man got very upset, but what could he say? It was his mother being crabby after all!
For some days, he bore it in silence, but then he couldn't stand it any more. He couldn't say anything to his mother, so he flared up at his wife instead: "See how well-behaved my mother-in-law is? Yours is nothing but trouble!"
On the way, his mother found the strange cities uncomfortable, and became quite cranky. The man got very upset, but what could he say? It was his mother being crabby after all!
For some days, he bore it in silence, but then he couldn't stand it any more. He couldn't say anything to his mother, so he flared up at his wife instead: "See how well-behaved my mother-in-law is? Yours is nothing but trouble!"
मेरी तेरी
एक दम्पति भारत दर्शन के लिए निकल पड़ा। साथ थे उनके बच्चे, और बच्चों की दादी और नानी। नानी को ले जाने की आदमी ने ठानी थी, और दादी को ले जाने का उनकी पत्नी का सुझाव था।
नए शहरों में दादी को काफी तकलीफ हुई, और वह चिड़-चिड़ी हो गयीं। कुछ देर के बाद आदमी से अपनी माँ का व्यव्हार सहा नहीं गया। कहते तो क्या कहते? हरकतें तो उन्ही की माँ कर रही थीं।
कुछ दिनों तक चुप रहे, पर फिर अपने को रोक न पाए। माँ को तो कुछ कह न सके, पत्नी पर बरस पड़े: "देखो! मेरी सास कितनी शांति से चल रही है - तुम्हारी सास हमें कितना तंग कर रही है!"
नए शहरों में दादी को काफी तकलीफ हुई, और वह चिड़-चिड़ी हो गयीं। कुछ देर के बाद आदमी से अपनी माँ का व्यव्हार सहा नहीं गया। कहते तो क्या कहते? हरकतें तो उन्ही की माँ कर रही थीं।
कुछ दिनों तक चुप रहे, पर फिर अपने को रोक न पाए। माँ को तो कुछ कह न सके, पत्नी पर बरस पड़े: "देखो! मेरी सास कितनी शांति से चल रही है - तुम्हारी सास हमें कितना तंग कर रही है!"
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Girls, boys, and other kids
Overheard this conversation yesterday:
She: "Growing kids need cholesterol. It's only bad for adults."
He: "Till what age do they need cholesterol?"
She: "Till they are growing. 25 for boys, 20 for girls, I guess."
He: "Hmm. And what about kids?"
She: "Growing kids need cholesterol. It's only bad for adults."
He: "Till what age do they need cholesterol?"
She: "Till they are growing. 25 for boys, 20 for girls, I guess."
He: "Hmm. And what about kids?"
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
आज का खाना
आज दफतर में दोपहर के खाने के लिए जब कैन्टीन गए, तो देखा कि सब लोग रोटी-सब्जी खा रहे थे, पर मेघा केवल आम खा रही थी। मुँह से निकला: "रोज़ तो मेघा ख़ास खाना खाती है, आज वह आम खाना खा रही है..."
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Flowers for funerals
Person at funeral: Why are lilies always so popular at funerals?
Botanist: Because they are moan-ocots.
Botanist: Because they are moan-ocots.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Running for the last bus
There was this dedicated computer engineer, who used to sit and work really late. He'd got into the habit of catching the last bus home. Often, he used to almost miss it, and had to run really fast to the bus stop to catch it.
Now, one fine day, the timings for the last bus were changed.
Our man, being a dedicated engineer, forgot about this change. So, one night, he ran out as usual to the bus stop. When he reached there--no bus.
"Rats!" he muttered. "I've lost connectivity to the bus because of a run-time error."
The next day, he came to work in running shoes instead of his usual sandals.
"After all," he mused, "re-booting is known to fix run-time errors."
Credits: Thanks to DS for suggesting the fix!
Now, one fine day, the timings for the last bus were changed.
Our man, being a dedicated engineer, forgot about this change. So, one night, he ran out as usual to the bus stop. When he reached there--no bus.
"Rats!" he muttered. "I've lost connectivity to the bus because of a run-time error."
The next day, he came to work in running shoes instead of his usual sandals.
"After all," he mused, "re-booting is known to fix run-time errors."
Credits: Thanks to DS for suggesting the fix!
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