Friday, September 23, 2011

Kung Fu Panda's home

In which country does the Kung Fu Panda live?

Po-land.

Where else, huh?

ढंग का खाना

माँ, बेटे से: दाल ढंग से खा ली, बेटा?

बेटा, माँ से: नहीं, चम्मच से खाई थी.


Angles

If there is an angle between lines TR and RM, angle TRM (pronounced 'trum'), and you divide the sine of this angle by the cosine of this angle, what do you get?

...

OK, OK, I just asked you to name it, not to throw one.

Hee hee hee. I love this one.
Hint: try looking up the trigonometric ratios and say it out loud.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

The true story behind Angry Birds


Once upon a time, Google set up an online advertising program called AdWords.

Then along came another online advertising program called ... AdBirds. I kid you not.

One of these continues to hog the major share of online advertising. This makes the other one considerably annoyed.

Hence... Angry Birds!

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Monday, August 1, 2011

What's to eat?

This one is from VR.


"Hey Mom, what's there to eat?"

His Mom throws a stone at him.

"Hey! I just asked for something to eat!

Mom: "हम eat का जवाब पत्थर से देते हैं ..."

संता की दवाई

संता सिंह के चुटकुले इतने प्रचारित हैं की अब हम अपने संता चुटकुले बनाने लग गए हैं. यह अँ. द. ने पेश किया है:

संता डॉक्टर के पास गया, फिर पर्ची चेमिस्ट के पास ले गया. जब वह घर पहुंचा, उसने सारी दवाइयां कूड़ेदान में फ़ेंक दीं.

प्रीतो काफी खिज गयी. उसने पूछा कि डॉक्टर के पास गया ही क्यों.

"अरे, डॉक्टर ने भी तो जीना है."

"अच्छा, तो चेमिस्ट से दवाइयां क्यों लीं?"

"उसने भी तो जीना है."

"तो फिर सारी दवाइयां कूड़े में क्यों फ़ेंक दीं??"

"अरे प्रीतो, मैंने भी तो जीना है!!"

Santa's medicine

Santa Singh has become so popular, that he stars in original jokes, too. This one is from AD.

Santa went to the doctor, then he took the prescription to the chemist. When he got home he threw the medicines in the dustbin.

Preeto was pretty annoyed. She asked him why he went to the doctor.

"He needs to make a living."

"And the compounder?"

"Ditto."

"And why are the medicines in the dustbin?"

"Hey! I need to live, too!"

Friday, July 15, 2011

Satyajit Ray inspires

Satyajit Ray was a film maker known for his eye for detail. Also, because of his fame, many people were inspired by him in many ways. Once, on a set he commented that the lighting was bad and a little dog in one corner of a shot was looking a little green. This observation of his was later made into a song based on miya-malhaar, which goes "Bole Ray puppy hara..."


Thanks, AD!

Army officer's desire

Why did the dyed-in-the-wool Army Officer object to his wife calling him "Ay ji"?

Because he preferred "OG".


Thanks, AD!

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Dear xyz, Sincerely, yzx

Someone posted this on the web:

Dear Two Birds,
I am coming for you.
Sincerely,
One Stone

11-year-old YS promptly came up with this new version:

Dear Two Pigs,
We are coming for you.
Sincerely,
The Angry Birds

Hee hee hee! Thanks, YS!

Sunday, July 3, 2011

Dyslexic thought for the day

To fully appreciate this one, first read the thought for the day (posted 28 Feb).

So, here goes with the Dyslexic thought for the day:

The pun is mightier than the words.

More Deft-nitions

Self-fulfilling prophecy:

Seeing a rotee on a tavaa and predicting that it will puff up on its own.

Monday, April 25, 2011

Useful chemical

The Chemistry teacher told the class that they would now be told the uses of the chemicals they had been studying.

"For example, do you know where benzene is used?" she asked.

She was surprised when Chantu raised his hand.

"Yes, ma'm," he said. "It is used in making Mercedes Benzes."

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Saturday, April 9, 2011

Anti-social network

If you want to make a phony profile or spoof a celebrity, which social network do you use?

.
.
.

Go on, guess...

.
.
.

It's easy...

.
.
.

Fakebook, of course. It's the most famous anti-social network on the internet.

Daffynitions: Gurgoan

A Gurgoan is someone who can be at a sunny beach while still stuck in a traffic jam at IFFCO chowk in the Millenium City.

Facebook की एक कहानी भाग 2

खैर, वृद्ध ने इधर-उधर पूछ के पता कर लिया की facebook क्या है। लड़के से भी पूछ आये और अपनी भतीजी को बताया कि, हाँ, लड़के का facebook account है।

भतीजी निकली ढूँढने। लड़के का नाम 'अजय कुमार' जैसे कोई आम नाम था (नहीं, उसका नाम अजय कुमार नहीं था), तो भतीजी को मिले कोई १०० 'अजय कुमार'। उसने वृद्ध को फ़ोन किया कि पूछो उसने कमीज़ कैसी पहनी है?

वृद्ध ने पूछ लिया, और जवाब दिया कि धारियों वाली कमीज़ है।

फिर मुश्किल। ऐसे भी १५ लड़के निकले। भतीजी ने फ़ोन घुमाया, "पूछना ज़रा, धारियां चौड़ी हैं या पतली?"

जहाँ तक मुझे पता है, खोज अभी जारी है।

Facebook part 2

Anyway, the old man asked someone else what this 'facebook' was all about, and was greatly enlightened. He asked the 'boy' if he was on facebook and promptly informed his niece that the answer was yes.

Now the 'boy' had a fairly common name, like Ajay Kumar (not his real name), so when the niece went hunting on facebook, she found about a hundred people. So she asked her uncle what shirt the 'boy' was wearing on facebook.

The answer was duly conveyed back: a striped shirt.

Next day, the niece was back. There were 20 Ajay Kumars with striped shirts. "Ask him," she said, "whether the stripes are wide or narrow."

The search is still on, far as I know.

Facebook की एक कहानी भाग 1

एक वृद्ध को अपनी भतीजी की बेटी के लिए एक अच्छा रिश्ता सूझा। भतीजी को भी लड़के का विवरण पसंद आया, और उसकी फोटो देखने का दिल किया। पर उसे जल्दी-जल्दी रिश्ता बढ़ाना भी नहीं था। इसलिए उसने ताउजी से पूछा, "क्या वह facebook पर है?"

अब ताउजी कैसे मान जाएँ की उन्हें facebook का अदा-पता नहीं? वह झल्ला उठे: "पगली! यहाँ मैं तुझे उसका face दिखा रहा हूँ, और तू facebook-facebook बोले जा रही है!"

Facebook part 1

An old man was matchmaking for his grand-niece. He told them about this very nice 'boy' who was the son of his good friend.

The grand-niece's parents were receptive. They wanted to see a picture of the 'boy', and asked the old man, "Is he on facebook?"

The old man didn't want to admit he didn't know what they were talking about, so he replied in annoyance, "What's wrong with you? Here I am ready to show you his face, and you want a facebook?"

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Chemistry lesson

The teacher asked, "What is the full name of the chemical KMnO4?"

The student chirpily replied, "It's potassium, magnesium and lots of oxygen!"

The teacher sarcastically asked, "If Mn is magnesium, what's Mg then?" Ha! Gotcha!

"Simple!" chortled the student. "It's milligrams!" D-uh!

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Wassup?

Three kids were walking down a road in Gurgaon.

You could clearly make out how much they were influenced by chat/SMS lingo when they passed a stray dog and one of them asked it, "Wassup?"

As the other two smiled, he answered for the dog, "NM*," and they continued walking.

When they reached the next dog, he again said, "Wassup," and also supplied the answering, "NM."

By the time he did this with the fourth dog (this is Gurgaon, remember, so there are no end of stray dogs), his friends were openly sniggering.

But when he passed over the fifth dog to go "Wassup?" at the sixth, they pulled his elbow and asked him why he'd left the previous one out.

"Oh," he shrugged, "that one is offline."

*"Nothing Much", for those who spend insufficient time online.

Acid comments

Once there was a couple who lived away from major and minor settlements, in fact, bluntly, they lived in the jungle.

Over time, they started getting really famous for holiness, of all things. This seemed strange at first, since they were invariable short, snappish and downright vinegarish in speaking to any visitors or passersby.

However, as the people in the nearest village pointed out while they feverishly constructed a vast commercial sanyasi ashram complex to capitalise on the growing reputation, you knew how holy they were when you realised they were full of ascetic acid, and how wise and brainy they were, because, as they said, "यह सब सिरका कमाल है."

Friday, January 7, 2011

Jeans



एक बच्चा इसे देख कर बोल उठा, "मम्मी, मम्मी, मुझे यही jeans चाहिए!"
मम्मी बेचारी देख कर बड़बड़ाई, "क्या बीमारी है!"


(यह फोटो कानपुर में खींची है.)

True and false friends

One of the people I follow on Buzz posted this:
A true friend sees the first tear, catches the second, and stops the third.

That got me thinking:
A false friend sees the first tear, photographs the second, and posts the video of the third on YouTube.